Diary of a jobless Nigerian youth

EPISODE 1 : He who comes not bearing food ...

We all know the famous nigerian proverb which says " he who comes bearing gifts " though I can't really complete sentence but I know it has to do with a visitor that bears gifts. And the gifts could be anything more especially food * which is the most sort after thing in my life * .

Well, I'm david, a young nigerian youth, a graduate of Imo state University[IMSU]" or should I say imo stress university as we often called it when I was in skool" and I'm "JOBLESS" lest I forget that part !

I have this friend that goes way back, we even went to the same school but thank we never came up with the thought of being roommates else I would have been writing this story on a jotter in my small cell. Well this my friend has always been long throat, I don't know if he has an extra opening on his nose that smells food. This boy would always call me to know if I'm home and his calls always comes in when the pot is just coming down from the stove. Don't get me wrong; in as much as I love to give, this boys own is too much ! And to wrap it all he is stingy as the devil himself and he comes from a vegetarian family so I can barely eat their food but he won't just let mine be .

So on this faithful day he came to my house before the preparation for lunch, he told me he was hungry [as usual] so I told him to wait till 6pm, that we are on dry fasting in the house [although we've had breakfast]and will be breaking the fast by the said time. So I asked him to bring so I can send my younger to go and get him something to eat, He just lay down there grumbling how broke he was that he doesn't even have money so I told him to endure.

We chatted for a while that he fell asleep and as God may have it lunch was served, so I just tip toed out of the room, took my own portion of food to the BQ and ate to my satisfaction then came back to the room and joined in the sleep with a fulfilled mind. So by 5:45pm I woke and started praying and cabashing that even my siblings were coming to peep at what's going on.

Though I was praying, my left eye was open watching at the clock. immediately it got to 6:07pm I said grace and ended my prayer, then I woke him up and told him we should just go somewhere and kush up in order to open up the stomach for the food that's coming. On getting to the bunk, I asked him if he had any money on him so we could buy hollandia yoghurt while we kushed but yet he said he doesn't have any money on him.

While we were busy killing our lungs, I noticed some pieces of #1000 naira notes sticking out of his pockets, filled with surprise I drew closer to clear my doubts, and indeed what I saw was real. I knew his head wasn't that strong for all the kush we were both consuming, so I just encouraged him to take more. As time whiled away I noticed he was now chilling on cloud nine, so I drew closer and pinched out the money from his pockets, went on side and counted it; lo and behold a whooping 9k ! JESUS CHRIST ! I just came back, asked him to round so we can go check if they've finished cooking at home.

As we got home I noticed everybody wearing long faces, I asked what happened and they told me how the boy that stays with us mistakenly poured the stew that was meant for dinner. So I asked what they've eaten and they replied indomie ... While escorting my friend to the bustop so he could go home, he started complaining how he's been hungry since morning plus the kush he just smoked that he can eat up a life goat, I just laughed and told him to take heart, that we are both going through the same thing.

On my way back from the bustop I just branched a fastfood that's in my area and nourished myself with a nice plate of fried rice with chicken and salad plus a pack of CHI exotic coconut nectar. As I was approaching the door of the fastfood my phone rang, I checked to see who was calling and behold I was my friend. I picked up and he started explaining how he stopped to eat at one restaurant he didn't know was expensive and after eating he couldn't find the money he kept in his pocket and his bill for a plate of garri and egusi soup with stock fish is #2500 naira. Now the restaurant are demanding that he washes the dishes till they close up as a payment for what he owed, I simply told him he got what he deserved and that I'm the one that took the money he's looking for ....

You won't believe that till date he hasn't called me on phone, he didn't even reply my new year text. Hmmmm what a world !